Unrequited Love: How to cope

Everyone, and I mean just about everyone has experienced the sting of an unrequited love. And if you haven't-- see the movie "The Holiday" with Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz to catch you up. Anywho, there you are. Longing for someone and they either (1) have no clue or (2) know about your feelings and do not reciprocate. The first thing us human beings tend to do in a situation like this is try to adapt. We try to change ourselves into what we think the other person wants in hopes of winning them over. When that doesn't work we try some way to work them into our lives. If you work with them,  its easy. You can alter your day to day routines to unecessarily include them in your life. When the increased contact with them doesnt work, you settle for finally just letting them know how you feel about them. The method that you choose in telling your beloved one about your feelings is very important. This is no time to use a letter, email, IM, or text message!! This encounter has got to be face to face. And although it may be tempting to have a cup of courage before the deed--dont. You have to be sober and completely clear minded. Once you come to this point the story can go one of two ways. The first, you and the object of your affection hit it off and you and them live happily ever after.
However if you have made it to this blog, things didnt work out that way for you. You are stuck in that unreciprocated love cyle, and you just can't break free. It seems like everywhere you go you get the same advice: forget about them, you can do better, they are not worth your time, they are crazy for not wanting you, etc. The truth is that advice is completely and totally worthless. The fact is if you could forget about them- you would have already. And perhaps you can do better but in your mind there is no one better than them. And no, maybe they are not worth your time, yet you still would love to spend every waking moment with them. And OFCOURSE they are crazy for not wanting someone who loves them as much as you do!! Alas, you cannot make them see the light. What to do? Well let me tell you what I am doing. Chances are if you are one of the true unrequited ones you have some sort of shrine, or symbol, or something that you have that makes you think of them. Whatever it is, do NOT throw it away. Keep it. Take it out whenever you need or want to. You may also find yourself wanting to speak to your beloved. However, more than likely that won't be possible. What you can do is write them a letter or a note. You can not send the letter ofcourse, but you will feel like you are communicating with them even if you are really not. Finally, don't underestimate your fantasy and dreams. Thinking of them just before bed, which you probably already do, will increase your chances of dreaming of them. You can also fantasize about them during the day.
You are probably thinking: How will this help me get over them? TRUST ME. The idea is that you are in turmoil becasue you cannot have this person, right? Well doing these things will make you feel like you do have this person. Thinking of them, writing to them, dreaming of them. They will be with you, and stay with you in your mind. You will no longer feel so much grief at the thought of them. Since the real life relationship that you want in real likfe is not possible--you create a psuedo relationship with your thoughts. You must then put the time and effort into to the pseudo- relationship (writing, thinking, fantasizing).  Eventually, you will find your self writing less about them, and thinking less, and not dreaming of them at all. This sounds silly, but it will work! One day you will find yourself feeling silly for devoting all this time, and you will stumble across that little shrine you made for them and toss in the trash without a thought. If you really love this person, it will naturally take time for you to let go. It won't happen instantly or overnight but it will happen.

P.S. Is it healthy to have a psuedo-relationship in your mind? Maybe not. But going on forever pining after somone who doesn't love you back definitely is not healthy.

What Do the Lonely Do at Christmas?

Its that time of the year. The time when you sit down to reflect on what you've have and haven't accomplished. You sit home throwing yourself a pity party over a cup of hot chocolate laced with booze. You sit and stare wide-eyed into the fire and wonder where oh where you went wrong....SNAP OUT OF IT!!
If I have learned anything over this past year is was this: Its Never Over. Meaning you don't have to be finished until you are ready to be finished. So what if you didnt find the love of your life this year? So what if the guy you would live and die for is not even interested? So what if you are carrying a few (or not so few) extra pounds? At the end of the day, (don't you just hate that phrase?) the only one there is you. And that's okay! Because as sure as one day will end, another day will begin. You have a whole new day to start fresh. You don't need the turn of the year to signal that time is passing; live each day individually. Do not live your life in years, or months, or weeks even. Take it one day at a time. Make little steps each day toward becoming or doing whatever it is that you want to do.
This year I didn't finish my album, heck I couldnt even get a good demo off the ground. The man that I love recently moved away; not that he was even remotely interested in me anyway. My kids are spending time with their fathers and other family members for Christmas. All my family is at least a six hour drive or more away, and I have to work through the holiday. Heck, even my roomate flew to Denver to see her family for the week. I will be ALONE for Christmas. If your situation is like mine or worse, don't fret!! I'm am that little voice inside your head that assures you that everything will be just fine. What do the lonely do at Christmas? We relax, we meditate, .....we get out there and party and enjoy our lives!! Why be lonely at Christmas when there's no need?!!